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December 02, 2004
influence vs. manipulation
I've heard people say that they want "dialog" or "conversation" so that they can "understand" other points of view. Once in a while I ask someone who wants to understand, "What will that understanding do for you?" Sometimes the answer is, "it will help me influence." When I hear this answer, I think, "Oh, so you don't want really want to understand, you want to to manipulate in a kinder, gentler way." I wonder whether I'm being unfair in my judgment.
Think about the word "influence" as a noun vs. a verb--"I have influence" vs. "I influence." Or about the passive verb vs. active verb: "People are influenced" by me vs. "I influence people."
I like to think of influence as a noun or when used in the passive construct. People might be influenced by me because of what I do, how I relate to them. The influence is a by-product of me being me.
I don't like the ramifications of "to influence" as an active verb. "I influence" or "I want to influence" sounds like I have an agenda to push, and I've already decided that my agenda is better than yours, or more important than yours. Not cluing you in to the fact that I want to bring you around to my way of thinking is manipulation--even if I'm doing it because I think I'm right; and especially if I'm doing it because I know I'm right.
Posted by Kerry at December 2, 2004 10:26 AM